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I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though. Of course, I can't explain who it is precisely that I am mortifying in this case by my spite: I am perfectly well aware that I cannot "pay out" the doctors by not consulting them; I know better than anyone that by all this I am only injuring myself and no one else. But still, if I don't consult a doctor it is from spite. My liver is bad, well—let it get worse! - 'I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though.'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'I am a sick man / I am a spiteful man / I am an unattractive man / I believe my liver is diseased / I don't consult a doctor / from spite / My liver is bad, well—let it get worse' 立 'Underground-man' 之 'three-negative-opening-paragraph' 之 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 代表—— 'Underground-man' 之 'sick-spiteful-unattractive' 之 'three-negative' 是 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 代表. plot 88 分系因 'Russian-existential-novel-cum-philosophical-monologue' 之 'two-part-Russian-existential-monologue' 之代表. 'I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. That you probably will not understand. Well, I understand it, though.'

I have been going on like that for a long time—twenty years. Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in that, at least. (A poor jest, but I will not scratch it out. I wrote it thinking it would sound very witty; but now that I have seen myself that I only wanted to show off in a despicable way, I will not scratch it out on purpose!) When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used to grind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when I succeeded in making anybody unhappy. I almost did succeed. For the most part they were all timid people—of course, they were petitioners. But of the uppish ones there was one officer in particular I could not endure. He simply would not be humble, and clanked his sword in a disgusting way. I carried on a feud with him for eighteen months over that sword. At last I got the better of him. He left off clanking it. That happened in my youth, though. - 'I have been going on like that for a long time—twenty years. Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so... When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used to grind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when I succeeded in making anybody unhappy. I almost did succeed.'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'I was a spiteful official / I was rude and took pleasure in being so / I did not take bribes / I used to grind my teeth at them / I almost did succeed / But of the uppish ones there was one officer / He simply would not be humble / I carried on a feud with him for eighteen months' 立 'Underground-cast' 之 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 代表—— 'Underground-man' 之 'spiteful-official' 之 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 代表. cast 92 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Underground-cast' 之代表. 'I have been going on like that for a long time—twenty years. Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so... When petitioners used to come for information to the table at which I sat, I used to grind my teeth at them, and felt intense enjoyment when I succeeded in making anybody unhappy. I almost did succeed.'

But do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite? Why, the whole point, the real sting of it lay in the fact that I was continually and intentionally reaching what is most painful for me myself, as though that was of use to me. I put it down to spite. I declare that I often reached what was most painful in a sort of enjoyment, as it were, in desperate spite. Yes, spite was the cause of it all. - 'But do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite? Why, the whole point, the real sting of it lay in the fact that I was continually and intentionally reaching what is most painful for me myself, as though that was of use to me. I put it down to spite. I declare that I often reached what was most painful in a sort of enjoyment, as it were, in desperate spite. Yes, spite was the cause of it all.'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'the chief point about my spite / continually and intentionally reaching what is most painful for me / as though that was of use to me / I put it down to spite / I often reached what was most painful in a sort of enjoyment / in desperate spite / spite was the cause of it all' 立 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'spite-as-philosophy' 之 'slow-recurrence-of-train-of-thought'—— 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 代表. pace 86 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'spite-as-philosophy' 之 'slow-recurrence' 之代表. 'But do you know, gentlemen, what was the chief point about my spite? Why, the whole point, the real sting of it lay in the fact that I was continually and intentionally reaching what is most painful for me myself, as though that was of use to me. I put it down to spite. I declare that I often reached what was most painful in a sort of enjoyment, as it were, in desperate spite. Yes, spite was the cause of it all.'

I will add, too, that I remained for a long time afterwards pleased with the phrase about the benefit from resentment and hatred in spite of the fact that I almost fell ill from misery. Even now, so many years later, all this is somehow a very evil memory. I have many evil memories now, but ... hadn't I better end my "Notes" here? I believe I made a mistake in beginning to write them, anyway I have felt ashamed all the time I've been writing this story; so it's hardly literature so much as a corrective punishment. Why, to tell long stories, showing how I have spoiled my life through morally rotting in my corner, through lack of fitting environment, through divorce from real life, and rankling spite in my underground world, would certainly not be interesting; a novel needs a hero, and all the traits for an anti-hero are expressly gathered together here, and what matters most, it all produces an unpleasant impression, for we are all divorced from life, we are all cripples, every one of us, more or less. We are so divorced from it that we feel at once a sort of loathing for real life, and so cannot bear to be reminded of it. Why, we have come almost to looking upon real life as an effort, almost as hard work, and we are all privately agreed that it is better in books. And why do we fuss and fume sometimes? Why are we perverse and ask for something else? We don't know what ourselves. It would be the worse for us if our petulant prayers were answered. Come, try, give any one of us, for instance, a little more independence, untie our hands, widen the spheres of our activity, relax the control and we ... yes, I assure you ... we should be begging to be under control again at once. I know that you will very likely be angry with me for that, and will begin shouting and stamping. - 'I will add, too, that I remained for a long time afterwards pleased with the phrase about the benefit from resentment and hatred in spite of the fact that I almost fell ill from misery. Even now, so many years later, all this is somehow a very evil memory. I have many evil memories now, but... hadn't I better end my "Notes" here?'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'benefit from resentment and hatred / in spite of the fact that I almost fell ill from misery / all this is somehow a very evil memory / I have many evil memories now / hadn't I better end my "Notes" / I believe I made a mistake / showing how I have spoiled my life / through morally rotting in my corner / through lack of fitting environment / through divorce from real life / and rankling spite in my underground world / a novel needs a hero / and all the traits for an anti-hero are expressly gathered together here / we are all divorced from life / we are all cripples / every one of us / more or less / we feel at once a sort of loathing for real life / we cannot bear to be reminded of it / we have come almost to looking upon real life as an effort / almost as hard work / we are all privately agreed / it is better in books / it would be the worse for us / if our petulant prayers were answered / give any one of us / a little more independence / we should be begging to be under control again at once' 立 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Russian-classical-prose' 之 'Underground-man' 之哲学训令 代表. prose 95 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Russian-classical-prose' 代表. 'I will add, too, that I remained for a long time afterwards pleased with the phrase about the benefit from resentment and hatred in spite of the fact that I almost fell ill from misery. Even now, so many years later, all this is somehow a very evil memory. I have many evil memories now, but... hadn't I better end my "Notes" here?'

Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in that, at least. - 'Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in that, at least.'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'Now I am forty / I used to be in the government service / but am no longer / I was a spiteful official / I was rude / I did not take bribes' 立 'St. Petersburg 1860s' 之 'Russian-civil-servant-cum-intelligentsia' 之 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 代表—— 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 代表. world 88 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'St. Petersburg 1860s' 之 'Russian-civil-servant' 代表. 'Now I am forty. I used to be in the government service, but am no longer. I was a spiteful official. I was rude and took pleasure in being so. I did not take bribes, you see, so I was bound to find a recompense in that, at least.'

I am a sick man.... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors. Besides, I am extremely superstitious, sufficiently so to respect medicine, anyway (I am well-educated enough not to be superstitious, but I am superstitious). No, I refuse to consult a doctor from spite. - 'I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors.'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'I am a sick man / I am a spiteful man / I am an unattractive man / I believe my liver is diseased / I don't consult a doctor / from spite' 立 'Underground-man' 之 'three-negative-opening-paragraph' 之 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'opening-of-Russian-existential'—— 'Underground-man' 之 'sick-spiteful-unattractive' 代表. hook 92 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Underground-man' 代表. 'I am a sick man... I am a spiteful man. I am an unattractive man. I believe my liver is diseased. However, I know nothing at all about my disease, and do not know for certain what ails me. I don't consult a doctor for it, and never have, though I have a respect for medicine and doctors.'

Speak for yourself, you will say, and for your miseries in your underground holes, and don't dare to say all of us—excuse me, gentlemen, I am not justifying myself with that "all of us." As for what concerns me in particular I have only in my life carried to an extreme what you have not dared to carry halfway, and what's more, you have taken your cowardice for good sense, and have found comfort in deceiving yourselves. So that perhaps, after all, there is more life in me than in you. Look into it more carefully! Why, we don't even know what living means now, what it is, and what it is called? Leave us alone without books and we shall be lost and in confusion at once. We shall not know what to join on to, what to cling to, what to love and what to hate, what to respect and what to despise. We are oppressed at being men—men with a real individual body and blood, we are ashamed of it, we think it a disgrace and try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalised man. We are stillborn, and for generations past have been begotten, not by living fathers, and that suits us better and better. We are developing a taste for it. Soon we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea. But enough; I don't want to write more from "Underground." - 'Speak for yourself, you will say, and for your miseries in your underground holes, and don't dare to say all of us—excuse me, gentlemen, I am not justifying myself with that "all of us." As for what concerns me in particular I have only in my life carried to an extreme what you have not dared to carry halfway, and what's more, you have taken your cowardice for good sense, and have found comfort in deceiving yourselves. So that perhaps, after all, there is more life in me than in you.'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'Speak for yourself / miseries in your underground holes / all of us / I have only in my life carried to an extreme / what you have not dared to carry halfway / cowardice for good sense / deceiving yourselves / more life in me than in you / leave us alone without books / we shall be lost / what to join on to / what to cling to / what to love and what to hate / we are oppressed at being men / men with a real individual body and blood / we are ashamed of it / we think it a disgrace / we try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalised man / we are stillborn / begotten, not by living fathers / we are developing a taste for it / we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea / But enough / I don't want to write more from Underground' 立 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'founding-voice' 之 'Russian-1860s' 之 'Russian-cum-existential-monologue' 代表—— 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 代表. innov 96 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Russian-novel' 之 'founding-voice' 代表. 'Speak for yourself, you will say, and for your miseries in your underground holes, and don't dare to say all of us—excuse me, gentlemen, I am not justifying myself with that "all of us." As for what concerns me in particular I have only in my life carried to an extreme what you have not dared to carry halfway, and what's more, you have taken your cowardice for good sense, and have found comfort in deceiving yourselves. So that perhaps, after all, there is more life in me than in you.'

So that perhaps, after all, there is more life in me than in you. Look into it more carefully! Why, we don't even know what living means now, what it is, and what it is called? Leave us alone without books and we shall be lost and in confusion at once. We shall not know what to join on to, what to cling to, what to love and what to hate, what to respect and what to despise. We are oppressed at being men—men with a real individual body and blood, we are ashamed of it, we think it a disgrace and try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalised man. We are stillborn, and for generations past have been begotten, not by living fathers, and that suits us better and better. We are developing a taste for it. Soon we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea. But enough; I don't want to write more from "Underground." [The notes of this paradoxalist do not end here, however. He could not refrain from going on with them, but it seems to us that we may stop here.] - 'So that perhaps, after all, there is more life in me than in you. Look into it more carefully! Why, we don't even know what living means now, what it is, and what it is called? Leave us alone without books and we shall be lost and in confusion at once. We shall not know what to join on to, what to cling to, what to love and what to hate, what to respect and what to despise. We are oppressed at being men—men with a real individual body and blood, we are ashamed of it, we think it a disgrace and try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalised man. We are stillborn, and for generations past have been begotten, not by living fathers, and that suits us better and better. We are developing a taste for it. Soon we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea. But enough; I don't want to write more from "Underground."'

'Dostoyevsky' 以 'more life in me than in you / leave us alone without books / we shall be lost / we are oppressed at being men / men with a real individual body and blood / we are ashamed of it / we are stillborn / begotten, not by living fathers / we are developing a taste for it / we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea / But enough / I don't want to write more from Underground' 立 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Underground-man' coda 之 'two-times-plus-two' 哲学训令 代表—— 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 代表. ending 89 分系因 'Dostoyevsky-cum' 之 'Russian-cum-existential' 之 'Underground-man' coda 代表. --- 'So that perhaps, after all, there is more life in me than in you. Look into it more carefully! Why, we don't even know what living means now, what it is, and what it is called? Leave us alone without books and we shall be lost and in confusion at once. We shall not know what to join on to, what to cling to, what to love and what to hate, what to respect and what to despise. We are oppressed at being men—men with a real individual body and blood, we are ashamed of it, we think it a disgrace and try to contrive to be some sort of impossible generalised man. We are stillborn, and for generations past have been begotten, not by living fathers, and that suits us better and better. We are developing a taste for it. Soon we shall contrive to be born somehow from an idea. But enough; I don't want to write more from "Underground."'